


We live.

by billet_doux



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bittersweet, F/F, Fix-It, Fluff, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-19 22:47:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15520365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/billet_doux/pseuds/billet_doux
Summary: A post season five drabble, wherein Clarke sacrifices herself for Madi and reunites with Lexa in the City of Light.Or,~2000 words of fix-it to (hopefully) soothe some hearts.





	We live.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy this small fic! 
> 
> If anyone else out there was affected by seeing those clips of Clarke and Madi talking about Lexa, I hope this can be some comfort for you. It was comforting for me to write this, so I hope I can make even one person feel better by reading this.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: I have not watched since 3x07, I've only kept up with clips, mainly ones surrounding Lexa. I haven't really interwoven any plot into this, but if there's any mistakes....ignore them. It hurts too bad to watch the show, but after seeing the most recent episode's clips about Lexa, I needed some catharsis. 
> 
> Inspired by a reblog of the clip of Madi & Clarke speaking on tumblr by @tht-lesbian-fangirl:
> 
> Look, now that the previous commanders stuff is canon… All I want is for Clarke to sacrifice herself at the end of the season for Madi. Then the very last scene we get is Madi closing her eyes for Commander Meditation and we get to see through her eyes that Clarke appears in the City of Light (because she once had the chip in her own head!!) and she’s wandering around to the last place she saw Lexa. There, she finally sees Lexa (with her back to Clarke because I don’t want Alycia near that hell show ever again). We see Clarke smile, and then it fades into Madi’s smile on the screen (while she’s wearing her cute little commander outfit and meditating) and the last thing we hear is Clarke saying “Lexa.” But it’s not a question and there’s no more pain in her voice. It’s just a tone of relief and love, and through just that one word, we know that Madi understands that love ISN’T weakness and she’s happy for her moms to finally be reunited.

In the end, death was peaceful.

 

She had seen so much of it.  She had been the _cause_ of so much of it.  Life on the ground was never easy, and often cruel.  Her friends, her family, her lovers had all perished before her very eyes.  

 

It was a point of contention in Clarke's mind, the debate over whether to live another day or find a sweet release.   She was unsure if she was ready for death, aware of how horrible it could be.

 

She remembered seeing the light fade from Atom’s eyes as she gave him the quickest death she could.

 

She remembered plunging that knife into Finn’s chest, feeling her first love’s head rest on her shoulder, hearing his last whispered words brush against her ear.

 

She remembered feeling the souls of the hundreds she killed on the mountain follow her, crawl into her mind, rip her soul apart from the inside out.

 

She certainly remembered watching, helplessly, her soulmate die in her very arms.  Watching Lexa’s black blood run from her pale lips, feeling her skin go cold, watching her fading eyes close for a final time, kissing her cold, lifeless lips.

 

She remembered seeing Lexa in the City of Light, just out of reach -- only to sacrifice herself, _again_ , with a promise to always be with her.

 

And she was.

 

Clarke felt Lexa’s presence every single day.  For six years, Lexa was her first and last waking thought, her only dream at night.  Clarke drew Lexa’s portrait every so often to remember what she looked like, fearing that one day she would forget.

 

She never wanted to forget Lexa.  She never wanted to forget the way her green eyes sparkled in the sun, or the way her brown hair rolled in messy, knotted waves over her shoulders.  She never wanted to forget the smell of pine and burning wood that lived in Lexa’s clothes; she never wanted to forget the taste of Lexa’s lips against her own.  She never wanted to forget the feeling of Lexa’s hands, calloused and worn, on her soft skin.

 

Lexa was too beautiful, too kind, too precious to forget.  Clarke’s soul was too tightly entwined with Lexa’s to let it slip away.

 

Clarke would often reminisce.  Perhaps thinking about Lexa so often only caused Clarke more pain; perhaps it was a tourniquet to stop the bleeding she felt reside in her heart.  Or maybe, it was both.

 

She hadn't wanted to experience her own death, not yet.  She still had people -- her friends and family, her people to look out for.

 

But then...then, it became harder.  It became so much harder to go on when she was all alone.  It was no longer a point of contention; she wanted to die.

 

Clarke was truly ready to end it all.  She was ready to give up; she was ready to join her friends, her love, to experience death, herself, when she found her saving grace.  

 

She wasn’t one to believe in God, not after what she had been through, but even Clarke knew meeting Madi was the result of some kind of divine intervention.  Whether it be the hand of a god bringing two souls together, or it truly was the spirit of the Commander, of Lexa, choosing its successor, Clarke didn’t care.  All she knew was that she had someone to look out for. Someone to _live_ for. And someone, or something, to thank for it.

 

Clarke so saw much of Lexa in Madi, the person she had come to love as her own child.  

 

It was a different kind of love, a mother’s love; just as fulfilling as a romantic love, just as strong, but _different_ all together.  

 

As much as she loved Madi, that love didn’t mean Clarke didn’t miss Lexa, too.

 

Clarke would have died for Lexa, given the chance.  It certainly felt like Lexa had died for _her_ ; after all, Titus had never intended to kill  _Lexa._

 

But then, if Clarke had died, who would have lived to raise Madi?  Who would have guided this young girl into becoming the leader she was today?  Who would have been the bridge between Lexa and herself?

 

After six long years cursing her fate, after six long years of missing Lexa, after six long years of _suffering_ inside, Clarke knew this was how everything was meant to happen.  Even if it wasn’t what she wanted, it was what the world needed. What _she_ needed.

 

Lexa spoke to Clarke through her daughter.  When Clarke locked eyes with Madi as Madi recalled the events at Mount Weather, Clarke knew.  She _knew_ it was Lexa in there; it was Lexa speaking to her, pleading with her, protecting her again.  She was _there_.

 

As Clarke listened, as Clarke _really_ listened, she understood.

 

Lexa reaching out to Clarke was more than just a reunion through Madi.  

 

Lexa had sacrificed herself for Clarke.

 

Deep down, Clarke knew that she would do the same for Madi.

 

And eventually, she did.

 

But in the end, her death was peaceful.

 

It was not scary, like she feared.  It was not painful, like she'd expected.

 

She left the world behind knowing that she had done everything in her power to keep Madi safe, to give the child she loved another chance to live - and she understood why Lexa had left so confident in her, so peacefully in her arms.

 

As she opened her eyes, a warm feeling spread through her chest, sliding down her arms and to her fingertips.  Air pushed itself back into her lungs, swelling like a balloon, and her body forced itself to sit upright.

 

Black, fuzzy dots swarmed her vision until her breathing evened, until her blood flowed through her veins once more.  She stood on shaky legs, a newborn calf in this strange world. Only -- it wasn’t all strange. In fact, it looked quite familiar --

 

The glass buildings of the old world.

 

What used to be the old pavement of the streets.

 

People walking by idly in clothes hundreds of years old.

 

She looked down at her body.  She was wearing something she hadn’t seen in years -- the blue down jacket she’d come to the ground in.  Reaching up, she ran her fingers through her hair, surprised to find it sitting well below her shoulders, instead of above it.  She felt lighter, smaller. Younger.

 

“The City of Light,” Clarke muttered to herself, glancing back up at the sky.  The last time she had been here - she shuddered at the thought - it had been glitching out, right up until she’d said goodbye to Lexa for the final time.  “I never thought I’d see it again,”

 

“We meet again.”

 

Clarke’s heart froze.

 

She turned, eyes meeting those green ones that haunted her sleep.  “Lexa,” her voice cracked. “You’re still here,”

 

“As if I would go anywhere without you?” Lexa smiled, taking a step closer to Clarke.  “I told you, I’m always with you.”

 

“You promised the next commander would keep me safe,” Clarke said, her eyes welling with tears.  She nodded fiercely, swiping at her eyes. “But it was you keeping me safe the whole time, wasn’t it?”

 

“I couldn’t have done so without her.”  Lexa paused. “You did well, Clarke.”

 

Clarke nodded once, sharply.  “I hope so.”

 

“Truly,” Lexa said, returning Clarke’s nod.  She clasped her hands behind her open coat. It was the same fur coat Clarke had grown to love in their brief time together before Mount Weather, so soft and luscious, so beautiful against Lexa’s skin. “You raised Madi well.  She has been...difficult, at times,” Lexa smiled. “But I would expect nothing less, given that you are her mother.” At Clarke's soft laugh, Lexa took another small step. “You raised her to be strong, and kind, and brave. You have instilled in her all of your own best qualities, and you’ve raised a good young leader, Clarke.”

 

Despite the watering of her eyes, Clarke smiled.  “Will she be okay?” Clarke asked, biting at her bottom lip.  “Now that I’m not there to help her?”

 

“You’ve taught her all you could,” Lexa said.  “She is ready for leadership, and I will still be with her every step of the way.  Until the flame is passed to the next commander, I will stay in her thoughts and dreams.  I will not leave her on her own.”

 

“And then?”

 

“And then, she will join us here,” Lexa smiled, gesturing to their surroundings.  “I told you, death is not the end.” At Clarke’s silence, Lexa continued. “You did well, Clarke,” she reaffirmed.  “I saw you raise Madi. You took on the role of a mother so well, I --” Lexa trailed off.

 

Clarke hesitantly reached out to Lexa before dropping her hand.  “How much did you see?”

 

“Everything.  I was with you every step of the way, Clarke,” Lexa said.  Her eyes flickered down to Clarke’s hand, fingers curling at her sides.  “Why are you scared, Clarke?”

 

“I’m afraid that if I touch you, you’ll disappear,” Clarke said, her voice almost a whisper.  “I’ve had this dream before.”

 

“I’m not a dream, Clarke,” Lexa promised.  “Not a ghost. I’m yours,” Lexa reached out to grab Clarke’s hand, bringing it to her own chest.  “And I’m real.”

 

Clarke could feel it - Lexa’s heartbeat, steady and thrumming, warm skin beneath her fingertips.  Lexa was _alive_.  Tears fell as Clarke pulled Lexa in for a hug, molding their bodies together until she was unsure where she ended and Lexa began.  “I’ve missed you so much,”

 

“I never left, Clarke,” Lexa said, running soothing hands along her back.  "I never left, even for a moment."

 

“I know,” Clarke nodded, burying her face into the crook of Lexa’s warm neck.  “I know, but not being able to see you - to feel you, to hear you, to have you,”

 

“I understand,” Lexa whispered.  “It’s been so hard for me, too.”

 

“I love you so much, Lexa,” Clarke pulled back slightly, keeping Lexa in her arms.  “I never stopped.”

 

“Nor did I,” Lexa smiled, wiping away Clarke’s tears.  “I’ve loved you for so long, Clarke,” Lexa swallowed, her own eyes spilling tears.  “And I love you now. Nothing will ever change that.”

 

Unable to resist, not _wanting_ to wait any longer, Clarke pulled Lexa in.  Cradling Lexa’s face in her hands, Clarke brought their lips together gently.

 

For the first time in six years, she felt true _peace_.  Lexa’s lips against her own brought a calmness and serenity rivaled by none.  Lexa was alive, Lexa was real, Lexa was _with her_ now.  

 

It was enough.

 

After she had pulled away, Lexa keeping Clarke securely in her arms, Clarke shook her head.  “I can’t believe I’m here. With you. After all this time.”

 

“Always,” Lexa whispered, pressing a kiss against Clarke’s forehead.  “I’ve always been yours, Clarke. And I always will be.” She rested her forehead against Clarke’s.

 

“What now?” Clarke asked, her voice barely a whisper.  “Where do we go from here?”

 

“Wherever we’d like,” Lexa smiled, fingers running through Clarke’s soft hair.  “We owe nothing more to our people.”

 

“But Madi,” Clarke said, pulling back.  “We owe something to her-”

 

“Of course, Madi,” Lexa said.  “I told you, I will stay with her until the very end.  But I will also stay with you,”

 

“Will I be able to see her?  Speak to her?” Clarke asked.  “She’s my daughter, and I--”

 

Lexa shook her head, slowly.  “I’m sorry, Clarke. But I can be that bridge, still.  I can tell her anything you want her to know. I can show her what we do here, what we say.  But until she joins us one day, that’s the best I can do.”

 

Clarke nodded slowly.  “As much as I love her, I hope it’s a long while before she ends up here.”

 

At that, Lexa grinned.  “She will be a wonderful Commander,” she nodded.  “Surely, it will be many years. Until then,” Lexa tilted her head, eyes full of love.

 

“Until then,” Clarke returned Lexa’s smile, letting Lexa pull her back closer, their bodies pressing against each other's.  “What do we do?”

 

Lexa pressed a soft kiss to the tip of Clarke's nose, before leaning close.  Whispering in her ear, Lexa said, "We live."

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! 
> 
> I'm rooting for Clarke to find happiness. That's really all I want. It's a bonus if Clarke is happy forever with Lexa in the afterlife.
> 
> peep that harry potter reference ;)


End file.
